haiz...

why im so useless.

whenever saw them so hardworking there..

then im just slacking there beside.

deep in heart i know i shouldn't be so...

but i just cant control myself to CHANGE!!!

wateef!

and..i seems like escaping from it! =(

haizzzz....

when...

i wonder why, sometimes a lil thing from . can make me so upset.
hmmmm.......sighh**
butsheneverknowit.





and, why is it so hard for me to concentrate/focus on me work everytime?!!
EF my mind! my brain! my heart!
when can i grow up?
pathetic. -,-

strictly lost.

this morning, after i got back my EMB paper.
i was really damn upset and disappointed on myself...
it's lesser than what i expected.
even Charlie said "terrible" when i got the paper from him.
i was totally upset when i scanned the marks on the paper.
i replied him with a smile, "yeah..."
why i'll smile huh? @@
don't wana let him think that im sad? but if i smile, seemed like i dont wanna heck care.
oh...whatever. me fault afterall.

actually, i ever wondered, am i really suitable for this route?
im walking on this route, is it all because of mom's suggestion or i dont know what 'destination' im going for?
so ended up im in the middle of my starting point.
and i wondered, what if i failed this sub.
then im wasting my parents' money.
i ever thought of giving up if i continue like this, as i don't wana waste my parent's money on my laziness!!!!
wth-michele!!!!
but if i ended up or 'block' my own 'destination' in the middle of my starting point, where should i go for then??
haiz...is this 'destination' going to be the right one for me?
i dont have 'faith' on it.
disappointments came again. TT



ergh....depressed-nya.
i wanna hug someone, dearie!?? ='((

stick to one please.

among all the stuffs i have now,
my cell phone is one of the most important one to me,
as i need it to contact with u-know-who-ccn-is...

but now, i feel like throwing/smashing it on the floor.
lots of things are just so dumb-ass popped into my mind,
making myself lost in WHAT I AM/WHO i want.
@@
even a question for the inno. tutorial work is almost killing me now. ef.


dumb freakish chele.
can i just stick to one whatever and disappear for a moment?

me didn't pay me water bill?

recently, i wonder why when im sad/mad
or encountered with some sad/touch drama/story
i cant cry out.
why.kenapa.wei shen me.dim gai.

i want to cry out.want me tears to fall.
i want to mix up all the unspeakable feelings and cry out.
coz it will make one feel better.eh?
looks like im desperate for tears.==


P A T H E T I C -nya .

-i shall face me destiny MY OWN.

for once...

45 90 135 180 225 270 315 360
which angle should i judge myself on?

361. im weird.

im loving 'it'. but i cant accept and don't know what's in me.

What's In Me??

i felt unsecured...

and why do i always think too much??

*sickening*

.End.

the 10 of today.

I would like to say that...


1. I hate this sh*tty connection!! Made me REFRESHED my HSH. *countless-ly*

2. I'm blocking someone for few days already. But i just unblocked him today. *im lazy to talk with u. sorry.*

3. I'm having a mixing mood inside. But i'm =) outside.

4. I'm very sh*tty as i can't do whatever i'd decided.

5. I'm still coughing.

6. I'm sad coz u use that-kind-of-tone to talk with me just now. (smtms u did so)
And u, i'm kinda mad when u just snatched the phone away when u know it's from bro. =(

7. I'm hoping to change into a new gurl.

8. I love this song. *Like You Will Never See Me Again.*

9.

10. I'm emo. So?

blablabla.

im emo im emo im emo im emo im emo im emo...
is that it to make myself emo?
nah...if so, everyone is 1 now..
or a president..=)
.
it's easy for all to speak out ILY, IMY, ICY and so on~
but it's hard to tell the one, that u really love, miss, care on him/her..
which must be going to be sincerely said.
it's not the fact that u want / like to say it out for fun or 'social' or not.
it's the fact that whether have u 'untied' the knot for him/her in ur heart that make u wanna say so.
so, dont try to say out those meaningful and heart-touching-words-which-is-worthing-to-someone-out-there out from your mouth easily.
.
nothing to say.
taz.
.
.
.
.
yeah, i think im being emo now.......

im not me.

hey ya friday~
a boring day...again....
and so to yesterday...
nothing much to do at home...
rotting maybe?
have a headache ynite and also today...
after sleeping...ain't feel any better though...
body feels hot now...but ain't fever i guess...
get my lips 'broken' again..
gonna drink lots of water..
but....
lazy and dont have the habit to...hmm~


i hate this holiday....!!







im sad...
im angry...
im tired...
im letting go...
im Different...
im N0THING...
Moody days for me.
Time fades everything.
*MISS and HATE*

SHUT.UP

oh pp-lizzz...
can u please stop askin me about when or why dont accept him.!!
u're gettin bit annoying...
i noe u wont see dis...
but just stop dat crap pls..ish.


and....


pp-lizzzz....
whenever u have problems with ur dear...
dont always 'dong bu dong' jiu find me leh...
say real..i with her is not so close like what u think...
and i dono much about her...
so...whenever she dint reply u or what...
dont always find me...
i CANT help u...!!
dont spam me too...
i noe u LOVE her and CARE her...
then let her LOVE u and CARE u like how u does!!!
i CANT do anything!!
depends on her wether wana reply u or not...
or maybe u did smth wrong dat makes her dont wana reply u or so...
zzz~


damn...i'll get tired or sick of it too sometimes...!!

SLEEPiNG.ANGEL.where.are.YOU

DAMN!!

why recently i'll SHI MIAN???

since the spm starts til now..

everydae just slept for 6-7.5 hrs...

aihz...coz of what??

why can they sleep for 10+ hrs or even half of a day?

and not me?

do i need meditation?? o.O

make me everyday tired nia...@@

*headache*

NOVEMBER.

hmm~
its the last day for NOVEMBER 2008 already.
time really flies.
lotz of thing happened to me during this month.
from the bad + sad one...to the 'obstacle' of F5s'...
and to the 'will-our-friendship-remains' part...
it's quite a tough month.
but i already went through them.
and there's more and more to come.
might be getting sad-der...or bad-der.
who knows..cant say much.....

although dint meet just in this few days.
feels like im getting further apart from u already.
miss the nicks we gave to each other...
they slowly disappear now...
i cant make myself 'special' to u i guess...
is it real that there's nothing u can talk or share with me already?
(inoeihavlotz..butitsokaydy...dontwanadisturbya...)
or coz of me again?
ther's still a long way that we wont be meeting.
just hope our friendship wont be so weak.
smtms think that maybe if dont find u for the time-being is a good way too?
so that u have more things to share with me?
but seems its the other way round..and worser...
haiz...just miss the times....
nvm...i'll just follow the way it should be...
or might be someday will slowly get used to it dy...
bout the promises...
up to u ba~
happy always jek~
and i have a Thing for u...
guess u saw it will very happy ba...?
hmm..guess so~ .
jux wait for it ba~ ^^v
t.carez~

lub...

RYNN.

woo~
went to a short 'concert' with ying, her sis n mami...
too bad dat he sang 4 songs only..><
coz he's sick i guess...
his songs are not bad afterall~
sang the Kao An tgt~
dat moment really kinda touched...
(and that's the only song i noe how to sing..coz not a fan of his..=x)
but for now...
yeah~
gonna admit that...
im 'shot' by Lin Yu Zhong...
kewt + dao...
aikx.LOLOL
gahyao yea~
and rmb ur words...
come back and stay in Kuching.?! LOL
take carez!!
and...

happy belated bday...





*M* FM DJ wen kang's hair is......speechless*

GRADUATiON SONG [friends forever] - vitamin C

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

And if you got something that you need to say

You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound

And I keep thinking of the night in June

I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon

And There was me and you, and then it got real blue

Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and

We would get so excited, we'd get so scared

Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fai
And this is how it feels

Chorus:

As we go on, we remember

All the times we had together

And as our lives change, from whatever

We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money

When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?

Will we still remember everything we learned in school?

Still be trying to break every single rule

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?

Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

And this is how it feels

*Repeat chorus*

La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah

La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?

I guess I thought that this would never end

And suddenly it's like we're women and men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?

Will these memories fade when I leave this town

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

*Repeat chorus 3x*

gosh...this song makes me think of all my JIMUIX n BUDDIEZ.!!

damn!!!

dor ask mi to listen to it...

when i open it...tears already drop again before i get to listen to the singer sings...

argh.....i just SO miss u guyz!!!

feels like we are getting far apart~~~

yeah~~

i dont want too...=(

hope that we can stay like how my brother them do...

always manage to hang out together although they have their own things to busy with...

then BBQ or steamboat together if ther's any occasion...

damn miss our school life that we spent together...*sobx*

.MEMORIES.

LOVE U ALL!!!

DEHYDRATED.

arghhhh...
i cant take this anymore!!!
damn FLU!!! GET LOSE from my nose!! ish.
sneeze whole day alrd...*till now*
im going to be DEHYDRATED~~~ @@
tried to sleep to make myself feel btr...
but cant...><



haiz...dono y when jen told me we left 6 days to be 'independent'..
i dont have the excitement for it...
yy?? maybe today is not my day to think about dat eh...
hmmm~
and planned today to 'pia' for my bio...
coz of this stupid flu...
cant even concentrate...damn!
lost my day...



this noon...after sent my 'thought' to dear yao...
dono y...kinda sad and disappointed with her reply...
and dono wad to reply le...
jiu din reply her...
(and maybe she's pia-ing her bio ther..don interrupt her ba...)
i think this is the first time i dint reply her msg hor...o.O
lolx.haiz~
till here then....

MEMORiES.

wow...

2008 juz passed like its yesterday...

it seems like only few months ago i joined in kuching high.
few weeks ago im in form 4 still.
and now...the last day of our school has already passed.
gosh!! damn miss my dearie.jimuix.buddies now!!
miss the time when we're fooling in class...

go to lab and do experiments...

'tease' the teacher in class...

(especially our cute pn.chai..hahaha. TIAN..i MISSED it!! when u tease her..her reaction is so cute and funny ahaha)

JANUARY...

first few weeks of school feel so siens..

coz stil in holiday mood~ woo~

( that time with dearie yao.ying.lam.jen.yian not so close gok..=x )

soo...nothing much can say...and forgot..aikx.=x

FEBRUARY...

still the same like jan...ehehk.

(nothing special happened la hor..=x)

MARCH...

errr...heheheh.

ohya...do exam month count?? lolx.

APRIL...

we celebrated YIAN's birthdae at school!! haha

and because of some 'comunication prob'...in the end 2 cakes popped out..o.O

luckily they are diffrent flavours.lolx

during recess...

mi n eric went to canteen to take the cakes..

unluckily..spotted by andrew...he told us not to celeb during classes..

we PROMISED him....but with *finger scross* haha

and start our 'party' during class..XP

its really too much till we treat the teachers and students next door some of them..yaikx.

*tadaaa*

and..we still took some fo0lish pic in lab and also class..XP

*lolx*

*the gurls*

*the boiz*

MAY...

ying and lam's bdae's month...

and its's Teacher's Day month~

we went to school on the 23rd to celebrate it!!

*mama and US.=)*

( and i think this is the month u get closer with dearie.ying.jen them? =x )

JUNE...

yeah i know...and you know...

it's my Birthdae's Month and also huili's ^^

and it's on the 7th!! (MUST remember it my jimuix out ther~~ ^^)

and yeah...we have our Sport's Day and also Koperasi Day..

Jen.Tian.Xuan has taken part in the Petanq comp.lolx.

and we got champ!! ahaha (needa thx yian for helpin too ^^)

JULY...

eheh.it's YOURS now jen ^^

happy b'day~ sry for the belated 1 yea~ ><

*o.O*

AUGUST...

MERDEKA!!

(sorry-im-nort-the-patriotic-type..=x)

haha.we celebrate merdeka at school compound...

we HIGH among ourselves behind...

and andrew chan is just beside us...

he just 1 eyes open 1 eye close..LOLx

FUN!! long time dint SHOUT le...><

and and...WE..the 5S4!!

went to Great W. for our class photo..

how nice is it.. ^^ (but im the latest to reach ther..kakaka)

after that, we go to Kuching Fest for our dinner~ XP

cool~ but TIRED...ehehk.

*memories*

SEPTEMBER...

happy b'day TIAN!! kaka

it's our Mock month for spm too...

gosh...everyone pia chek except me..haiz..

in the end..result like shti..iish!!

OCTOBER...

ahha.this month we did our 'Blood Group Exp.' for biology in lab...

lerk is too scared to be 'took'...ahahaha

but in the end he's a MAN..WELL DONE!! XP

ALL of us did it too~ not so scary afterall...=x

awwz...it's coming to an end for 5S4 le...

i (we) really appreciate this month to stay together with u guyz...

but too bad some of us just go once or twice a week only...

it's hard to gather us (the 5S4) to stay together and study in class with FULL attandance...=(

i know..coz they (we) wana pia chek le...

but im still 'lagging' here..haiz...

NOVEMBER!!!

yeah...it comes in the end too~

6th nov '08 is the LAST day for schooling for the F5s..

we ILLEGALLY brought our cellphones and cameras to school just to take our 'memories'...

sounds SAD...yeah it is...=(

we really took lotz...

yian still naughty de kacao mr.chiang...hahahah

hai him shy shy and WAIT us to take photo with him...=x

lolx.*baddie* hahaha

we took few pics with pn.hii and mama too...^^

then wait for our school magz to be given out...

hawlii...it took ages for them to 'finally' distribute us the magz...*hin*

but at least we get it first la...=)

WHAT I WANNA SAY......

uhmmm guyz...(short way for calling)

during this 2 years...(07/08)

it's really NICE and WARM to have u guyz around in S4...

although im NOT close with u guys during the 'o7...

or dono u for as long as 2/3 years and above...

i still feel glad that we are 'arranged' to the same class and so get to noe each other...

it's fate eh? heheh

i feel glad too coz we are getting closer in '08...

i know that we had wasted the '1 year' to meet each other...

but....

it's still good that we can still manage to make us closer in dis year..

rather than still being 'stranger'...

we ever quarrel tgt...sad tgt...happy tgt...celebrate smth tgt...

sing tgt...fooling/laming around tgt...(cry tgt...)

but our 'memories' wont be nice/memorable without these...ey??

'realistically'...

i know dat we wont have so much chances to meet or gather the whole gang of us anymore...

but i just try to keep tellin myself and friends dat we CAN still hang out and gather tgt...

altho its kinda hard...

as we dono wher or wad are we going to walk along our own road...=(

i just hope dat if there's a chance for us to gather...

we MUST do so!!

so that we can still remain our frenship~~

as i said earlier on...

schooling is siens enough...

but for now...i think it's NOT enough...i wan schooling still!!!

i really MEANT it!

i really 'she bu de' to leave this school (our class)...

coz i wana be with u guyz to fool around or share our probs tgt~

i also hope to STUDY with u guyz again till the end of december...

but think again...its useless too as december comes after november...

we need to face THAT day too in the end...haiz...

reli have lotz of 'mao dun' thoughts...=(

i'll locked our memories in me...

ALL i wana say is...

GUYZ...

WE ARE...

DEAR(yao).

JIMUIX(jen.ying.lam.huili.tian.yian.dine....).

BUDDIES(errr....LOTZ).

FOREVER!!!

love u guyz lotx!!

take care and luckx for ur SPM and also the road u chose~

[haha.yeah jen.i'll rmb our promise de..and so to dear's.=) ]

-2137 ended-

love,

Xuan™

*ONCE 5S4.FOREVER IT IS.*

THE.DAY.

hmm~ this coming thurs is the last day of our high school's life~
i really hope to have a nice, wonderful and MEMORABLE last day.
but most of all...i hope that the problem which frustrates me will be solved.
because today we don't even talk a word to each other at all.=(
when saw you talk happily with them, i was sad that why it's not me.
''i do hope that we can be like last time.sot here sot there.."
but seems hard to do so for now.
the thing i afraid of had already happened.
and it happened with what i cant aspected which caused me to have no reasons to 'want you back'.
as it had hurts me.
but don't know for what reason...i still hope we can like the past.
*now, i just can dream for it*
everytime heard that you guyz are going to where for shopping or trip.
i'll follow.
but this morning after heard that Janet is requesting us to go to her Borneo's house for a stay.
i don't know should i go or not. ( and Maybe i cant go too)
its during your bday eh and our 'should-be-excisting-of-1-year-ann'.
but.....aihz..nevermind, your present will still be there. Have fun~ =)



[[and yeah, wanna tell you is..you really think too much..maybe you forgot that you have said that maybe we have neither jiejie nor meimei so we are close too each other...and S0RRY for what i'd done that made you scared of me...maybe i was just fooling around (and you should know that i am not dare to do that kind of thing) and sometimes what i said to you is really came from my heart...i really treat you 'importantly' and wanna care you as a part of my real 'meimei'?? i don't know..i just ENVY those who have a good jiejie or meimei to share whatever things together..as none (include my family) knows me more except close frenz..and for real..i was hurt of what you said....]]

*its hard to smile with your sad heart*

.

.

.

.WHiTE.BLAcK.EMO. .i.need.CoLouRs. ™

the.ended.road.

although how beautiful is the road to go along...
it will ends sooner or later...
just depends whether you wana keep the experiences while on the journey,
and capture the nice and memorable view in your heart or not......



.........................................i'll lock it deeply..........................................
hmm.....
take care~
taz~

*pain*

HEARTLESS.

aihz...heartless to study now...
damn...left 11 days la xuan...
0.0!!!
haiz...Headache now...
summore...........647703327....><
neh...better force myself to study le...
all the best all~
taz~!!







.WHiTE.BLAcK.EMO. .i.need.CoLouRs. ™

FuLL.

uhm...todae we dint go sch..oppx.
but go for tt...
before dat...
mi, ying, mami, dae and haw tumpang sien's car to Lao Li for bfast...
the food not nice geh..
kinda not fresh + bit only costed rm4...@@
(no more 2nd time) zazaza
den we back to mami's houz for tt...
then we go to the spring for our lunch...
together joined with dear yao, kenny, kahsan, and pei..
we go for SUSHI KING!! zazaza
promotion 1 plate rm2...
but we din 'sapu' much la..lolol
wana leave some 'space' for 1901...(the-high-class-hotd0g-bun lololx)
i bought the...*oppx.forgot wad name ki..lalala*
rec0mmended by the seller...
i tried the beef...ohgosh...NICE!! zaza
but its not reli can be acceptable for those who cant stand the beef's 'smell'..
as its quite....'beef'...lolx
but dont worry...there's always chicken's ar0und~ XDD
then we met up at starbucks...
i wonder dae's viva is reli 'seatable'...
7 ppl include herself are in dat lil car...ahahaha *kewt*
uhm...kinda tired now...
tonite still havin tt...
at first thought of wana hav a nap...
but wasted the time in front of the screen..haiz...
*tahan ba...* needa go study awhile...
haihz.....it gona HYPNOTISED mi again....* ZZzzzZzz*




i wonder how i die for my spm...=(






.WHiTE.BLAcK.EMO. .i.need.CoLouRs. ™